Here we are. Hello 2021! Some of us have been waiting for you, eagerly, with hope and others, honestly shy to welcome with great expectation attached because after the year 2020, we are grateful to count all that we still have, also what we've pleasantly gained. The loses 2020 brought were difficult to swallow, and the processing is ongoing still. Even the losses of dysfunctional behaviour is a loss because it's the loss of a familiar way, and the need to find and adjust to a new way, that's what creates the illusion of fear upon us when change is calling. The church bells rang for the whole world to call all of us to order, elevation and alignment. I hope everyone continues to listen to the beckoning call and to gracefully rise above what no longer serves.
As we complete year 1 of a twenties decade I too am complete the last year of my twenties, a decade that brought me so many opportunities, pain, gains, losses, disappointments, joy, love, sadness, guilt, jealousy, tranquility, excitement, miracles, smiles, newness, difficulties... The description "life is a rollercoaster" has never been more apt. There were days I'd experience nausea and throw up because I couldn't process emotions or rejecting experiences that were clearly inevitable, necessary learning curves. The nausea was a result of my resistance, not the change itself. I experienced great fatigue because I was using my energy and talents in the wrong places. Migraines because of a profound attachment that can come with coaching if I don't cleanse and release the energy of those I work with. The greatest of these feelings though is, disappointment. I had a conversation with myself: "I've made some really decent and productive decisions with my life, why am I not moving as quickly as I'd like?." I feel like I've made such courageous decisions, so why do I feel this unfulfillment?
Here we are - a means of locating yourself, and owning where you're currently at, for me, it was a mixed bag of emotions, mostly being disappointment. This is an extremely important acknowledgment for direction and clarifying where you would like to be next. This is part of emotional intelligence. Instead of denying feelings that you think are "wrong" to feel, own them, otherwise they will own you. Emotions are drivers and an important indication of what we need to be doing next in order to feel better about ourselves, because when we feel good about ourselves, we are in a natural state of ease, we are more likely to make positive, inspired decisions instead of decisions that come from insecure foundations. We're really only ever working with thoughts about things, and then come the feelings. The thoughts and feelings need to be monitored religiously, like how you pick your clothes in the morning, or the best looking piece of fruit from the bunch, or ordering from a restaurant with customised additions, removals, or completely creating your own meal! YOU CHOOSE your thoughts and therefore you can change how you feel, and therefore your decision making and ultimately the direction of your life. A feeling is directly linked to a thought pattern. Identify the helpful ones, and the ones that are not. When you feel good, you do good - I promise.
In owning your feelings, steer clear of toxic positivity. For example, you're trying to get happy for someone elses life because "You need to be nice and celebrate others "your time will come"", instead admitting and owning that there is a jealousy lurking inside of you because you wish that could happen for you too. Own the emotion, and link it to the thought pattern that is leading you to despair. Once you have done that, you can change the narrative you are feeding yourself. And you know what, Jealously is likely to be indicative of something you know you deserve, and that is good, perhaps the next best thought once you've owned that you are in fact jealous.
So when I finally owned that I was disappointed, and had the vulnerable dialogue with myself & God, in came my mantra for 2021 towards Decembers end: "I am a smart girl, I make smart decisions." The whole dialogue ended with: Keep going, because yes, I have made great decisions. Don't give up now.
In 2021 and beyond, watch how you talk to yourself. This is critical, a life and death situation. Celebrate more, lessen and cancel self doubt. Through decision making processes, things get clearer when we are more honest and aim for the most positive outlook we can master. Values become clearer. Who we are is more amplified and this is what we need to be doing with our life: Being ourselves.
Here are a few notes you can take into 2021, lessons I learned for myself, and us. Hopefully you won't have to learn as hard as I have.
Remember your wins so that you can remember where you shine. Embrace the lessons from what look like losses.
Just because it or they don't hold evidently "toxic" traits/"red flags", it doesn't automatically mean it's good for you. Just because 30 minutes in the sun is good for X, doesn't mean it will be good for Y. It's not about the Sun, it's about what how the sun interacts with X and Y respectively. his applies for all kinds of relationships, deals, partnerships with people, places & things.
Don't settle for almost.
Just because it's family, it doesn't mean they are capable to give you the love & care you need. Be gracious and believe in the abundance & generosity within God's creation. Most times, it needs to come from you first.
Own your emotions before they own you. This means admit it. When it's admitted, it can be treated. There is no such thing as a negative emotion it's just an indication of a thought pattern that needs a makeover.
Positive self-talk is critical. It is in fact a life or death situation.
Most of the times when we recall the desires of an ideal partner, It takes the form of: "He must..." or "She must..." Try to replaced with "We must"... because there are 3 components in the relationship: You are on your OWN path. He/she is on their own path. And your relationship is it's own life/entity where new things are created within the union. Take care of all 3. And offer it all to a higher power. God.
No one will make you a priority for you. NO ONE. And it's no one's fault, and no one should be put to shame. No one can Remember you for you. Everything is an invitation to love yourself more & relentlessly.
With Love, keep learning, keep breathing, keep being, don't give up.