Firstly, can we start by sending gratitude of prayers & express thankfulness that we have a COVID-19 vaccine! Signed, sealed delivered to African shores. Albeit, a few ethical questions exist about the distribution & pricing of the vaccine, and also anxiety expressed about the efficiency of the vaccine roll out. Also, I find it quite strategic for Mister President to lift the alcohol ban and announce the vaccine roll-out in one segment. I smell a distraction... but that’s a different conversation for a different platform. – a news channel perhaps?
Here we speak about personal reformation, and the continuous acceptance that life is happening through me.
January was a dark hour for me. And indeed, by 21 January it felt like I was in month 3 of January! I literally lost a sense of time, and the meaning of time. ”They thought we were planted, but they didn’t know we were seeds”. To be a seed also means to be in a cold, dark wet place for a while, with your roots going in all kinds of directions, holding on for dear life. With the simultaneous inclination to let go because you question: What am I holding onto? It means to remain grounded & have to push through in order to see the light of day. It doesn’t feel very comfortable, does it? According to science, A woman in labour experiences the pain equating that of a heart attack, and there is only one natural way to stop the pain: Get that baby out, push, get all the help you need, and have the right people by your side that will push you & tell you how great you’re doin. It dawned on me that so many people are going through growing pains. And in the process of breaking ground, something else sprouted: Compassion, for myself and others.
This is a love letter for anyone that is currently experiencing a numbing, paralyzing pain that tends to render in action, not because there is no desire to act, more like a know how knowledge challenge: “I don’t know what’s going on”. “I don’t know how to ask for help.” “I don’t know how to get out of this darkness that is living in my mind.” ”How can I make it all end.” If you find yourself sincerely expressing yourself in this way, in your mind, to yourself in personal dialogue especially, from a medical perspective, it is psychological emergency. From a spiritual perspective, it is an awakening: The calling of your soul to end the de-pressing of your authentic self. When you are faced with the decision to truly live or truly die & exit the world, this is what you are facing. It is a reasonable desire to want to die instead of carrying on a fake life. Either way, life is about a set of choices, and you can still choose to live. It is a dark hour, you question a lot & you need super natural mental fitness, which I can sum up as the will to live.
Here are breakthrough considerations you can make if you are experiencing this dark hour. If you can change your thinking, you really can change your life, and save it if you will so.
1.Feeling depressed & wanting your life to end? Consider this:
That maybe you don’t want your life to end. However it means that there is an aspect of your life that has to end, because it currently does not serve your highest self; the person you truly want to be. Consider that a suicide thought is not the desire to end your life, it is the desire to end the pain, which means that you need to end the aspect of your life that is causing the pain. For example, being afraid to show the real you, unhelpful habits, the desire to change the past, a narrative or story that you have replayed for your whole life that you keep close to prove your rightness, trying to do everything on your own?
2.Are you compelled to end your life by suicide? Before you do that, I have a request: Please can you wait till next week.
This is a great place to practice procrastination. Apply, “let’s wait & see”. Why? The darkest hour happens before the break of day. If the thought appears again, try “let me go to the gym first”. Or “Let me eat my favourite meal first.” Until you make it through the ground level & find the strength to say the three words “Please help me”. I find that between the thought and action, there is space where a new thought can build, that changes the direction of thought. That is a sacred space.
3.Tend to your feelings. Feelings are like visitors, you need to acknowledge & tend to them, and let them be.
Which also means, they won’t stay long if you give them attention. And if they do stay long, kindly speak to them and ask them what they want or request them to leave if there is nothing further. There is a constant relationship happening in your body between mind, Soul & body. Command from the element which you most resonate with. Tend to this connection frequently.
4.Appreciate your body. I mean, beyond the aesthetics. Have you really given thanks for a body that technically defies & defines science & has it’s own set of chemistry & DNA that is like no other.
I have a unique story with my body which I am starting to marvel at now. There have been countless times where doctors didn’t have explanations for my health reports. “Nothing makes sense with you”; my expert, senior, best on the continent doctor once said to me. He meant, “You should be dead by now, how are you still alive?”. In retrospect, with 10+ years to process the knocks my body has taken over the years, I have concluded, my body is a gift, it’s part of my talent. And until you sincerely realise this, taking care of it will always be an option. It sounds corny do even ask, but please love your body in it’s current state reality. That will get you to the gym quicker than a punishing thought ever will. A few years I read: “Gym is not a punishment for what I ate, It is a celebration of what my body can do.” This brings me to the last considerations.
5.Remember that depression is a clinical diagnosis.
One of the common symptoms is when you feel like you want to die, sincerely. Avoid speaking it over your life unless it is a fact. And once you have it as a fact, you can say, “I have depression”, instead of “I am depressed”. Start understanding that it can end. In all cases, watch how you speak about life aspects.
6.The minimum requirement to staying alive is: Have the will to live & stay relentless.
I remember in another dark hour 10 years ago, I would close my eyes, and every time I closed my eyes, I would see darkness still. Except I would always notice one thing: A very minute, granular speck of white. That is the amount of will you need to keep yourself alive. In the Bible, Jesus encourages people to have the faith of a mustard seed. As long as it is sincere, that mustard seed will see you through.
If you consider all of the above, your new reason to live will emerge. A clue as to what that is? It is you. The person of your dreams is you. Fight for your life.
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