Updated: Jul 19, 2021
The moon stays bright when it doesn’t avoid the night ‘ Rumi
I wish you freedom of expression and freedom from the confines of normalcy, and the desire to fit in. Realise that the persistent, senseless and often life-time battles of suppressed emotions is futile and it stifles your power to create and live the life of your dreams.
Here is how to recognise that it’s time to accept EVERYTHING and all that is unique about yourself and move on WITH it, not DESPITE it. Moving on with something means that you incorporate it in your life, and make the most with it. Moving on despite means that your interpret your uniqueness as a flaw - helpful?
Embrace what you have always known.
A decision making criteria based on being liked and accepted is a life threatening mistake.
So often, we shy away from what we resonate with deeply because there is fear of rejection and being misunderstood. Reality check: You are also primarily judging yourself and comparing yourself to what you SEE as normal, superior and acceptable, thinking that what you would rather embrace is inferior. AND it seems like you have created a script and prediction in your head that concludes that you will be unacceptable if you embrace what you’ve always known. Effectively, you have doomed your existence. It’s true, there will be people that don’t accept or like you.
You have a busy mind!
Busy making up stories and fake arguments, plotting how to react in defense of yourself? This is busy, not constructive or present moment living. Here’s a way you can rebuild the narratives that set you back. Ask yourself: Did it really happen this way (facts) or is it my interpretation of what happened? Be willing to be wrong. Take a few steps back and recreate a path that supports your joy! Don’t believe everything you think. Better wite it out and talk it out with someone before you build realities that are unhelpful.
When things are just not adding up…
...Maybe, they are and you’re resisting to see. Resistance to see can be attributed to inauthentic desires that have been packaged as normal, and you comply because you would rather feel belonging than the pain of being misunderstood. Nothing compares to the pain of not being free in who you are. A common narrative of patterns and occurrences is this: “If something keeps happening to you repeatedly and you do not desire it, it means that you are doing something wrong. This can be true, however to expand the narrative, could you look at the situation differently?
Maybe you’re looking at it all wrong!
Following on from the above, it’s time to really assess the repeat cycles and recognise that maybe, THIS IS LIFE for YOU, and the way to live with it is to look at it differently. When you look at it differently, you handle it differently, therefore the chances of transforming the situation into an outcome you desire is basically a guarantee.
Cut the God complex & Release responsibility that is not yours!
Goodness gracious, take ownership, this also means knowing what IS your job and what isn’t. So many of us are carrying responsibilities that were never meant to be ours in the first place. And when we get tired we get resentful. And resentment is life’s biggest cancer. Here’s is a test if you want to figure out if something is your responsibility: Ask: Do I have the ability to respond to this? If yes, be specific about how. This will help you set boundaries.
“I was just trying to help”
I’ve observed many managers, bosses and parents that try to “push” someone or micro manage others to be their best, and in an effort to do so, they manage to misconstrue the essence of a person aka take the fun out of it all! This is deadly because it can stifle dreams and personality. This is unhelpful and can ruin someone’s self-esteem and self-belief. Ever wondered why kids will be brilliant at something when they are having fun independently, and then develop a resentment towards the thing they enjoyed most when it is formalised? This is why. As we grow, we can constructively merge the child genius and conscious adult through conscientious personal development.
Choose what suits you and stop taking things personally when people don’t choose you
If I go to an ice-cream palour and there are options of either a rum and raisin flavour, and a vanilla-rocky chocolate flavour, I have to choose between what exists. The flavours cannot be modified because it is what it is, it is how they were created and delivered to the shop. My choice of ice cream will be dependent on my preference. At times, it can help a great deal to approach relationships in the same way. I can’t go in expecting the vanilla-rocky chocolate flavour to change into the rum and raisin flavour. The choice is based on what suits me, not necessarily because I frown upon the creation of rum and raisin flavour! It doesn’t make any flavour ice cream superior or inferior. It is just a preference and matter of variety. Someone else will buy the rum and raisin flavour will be happy, and the ice cream will also be happy to fill the need! Making authentic decisions for yourself automatically supports the existence of another.
Let go of people
Whether it’s a friend, partner, employee, boss, and they are not fitting in to what you want, it might be time to let go of them. Even if it means firing someone, ending a friendship or letting go of a job. Absolutely engage to resolve differences, define it well. For example, If you employ someone that displays potential and valuable skill, take time to understand their strengths and provide feedback. However, understand the difference between giving feedback on skill, task or performance and giving feedback on preferred character traits. By saying so, I am not suggesting that conflict is a sign of no entry, it means check your motives and decide that you want the best possible outcome.
Sit in the initial discomfort, it gets really good, I promise.
Not being yourself also means that there is an entire side of you that you haven’t explored! There are aspects of you that are waiting to breathe, stop holding yourself back.
Remember that not every set back is a sign to discontinue
I am saying this so that you are mindful that a hardship doesn’t mean stop or “you’re going the wrong way”. Expect the setbacks.
Embrace your whacky and unusual decisions.
There are micro decisions that accumulate to expressing you, fully. Pay attention to the colours your soul wants to wear in the morning. Pay attention to the unique way of working that you craft out for yourself. In the past month, I found myself to be waking up at exactly between the hours of 03:00-04:00, which I did not accept and tried so hard to fall back to sleep and not loose it. Then it dawned on me that maybe I don’t need the sleep and I can perhaps use the time to work. What was blocking my creative thinking is the idea of “working hours”, what I conside the biggest scam known to mankind: a 9-5 frame. Sure it is useful, and so is working outside of that time. This is a small example of taking advantage of your strengths.
Maybe they will choose you, maybe they won’t. But none of it matters if you choose yourself.